March 7th 2013
9 Years ago today I hit send and self-published 6 Minutes Wrestling with Life.
I had only 1 mission – to make more good than bad come from my daughters tragedy.
My heart is filled to know over the last 9 years more good has entered the world by my writing my memoir than not writing it. I still have a long way to go to accomplish my mission.
By writing the book I have met so many great people – been introduced to so much pain – I have felt so much empathy – and in some small way attempted to give hope and belief to those experiencing trauma in their lives.
I am glad I wrote the book and will continue to attempt to make more good than bad come into this world.
Below is the events that transpired that became the catalyst to me hitting send.
January 14th, 2013
It’s time to listen to my inner voice.
So here is how my brain works.
Yoalnda Vega appears on my TV the other night to pull the Lottery numbers. My wife is in the other room – so I yell out “Here are my numbers (That I didn’t play) for tonights Lottery – 9 7 6 12.
I started to say my 6 numbers thinking that it was Lotto.
After I yelled out my first four numbers the first ball goes up the shoot:
Wow that’s weird.
Second ball 7
You got to be kidding me.
I yell to BettyJane come here – she does but she thinks I am playing a joke on her by delaying the broadcast and that I already know the numbers.
Third Ball – 6
“Please don’t do this to me,” is my first thought.
My relief is that I currently realize that this drawing is not for Lotto but it is for the pick 4 and pick 3 drawings.
Fourth Ball – 1
Wow, that makes me feel a little better.
“Now for the pick 3 numbers,”
I hear from the TV:
First ball – 2
The chill goes through my body as I just realized that I, on the spur of the moment, just picked 9 7 6 12 as my numbers and the first 5 numbers that went up that shoot were 9 7 6 1 2.
I look at BettyJane, she is still 50/50 on whether she thinks that I am pulling one over on her.
I convince her that I’m not.
She bluntly states, “You get nothing if its not on paper.”
A few hours go by and it dawns on me.
I just got my answer.
You see inside my head for the longest time, I have been wanting to write. I always knew since I was 6 that I would write.
Now its time.
Most people would be mad that they got nothing for picking 5 numbers.
I look at it that I got my answer.
“You get nothing if its not on paper.”
I now play the lottery by subscription mostly because I never check the winning numbers and it is my way of making sure that if I win the lottery that I would know about it (There would be nothing worse than winning and not knowing).
A yearly subscription costs $2 a week or $104 dollars a year.
Playing the lottery by subscription is amazing, I really don’t have to win the big prize to win, because every once in a while I will get an email from NY State Lottery with the headline – “NY Lottery Subscription Prize Notification” and for that brief moment my mind plays the “What if” game.
This email always comes when I need it the most, when my mind is stuck in what Zig Ziglar would call some “Stinkin thinking”.
These emails arrive just at the right time and are like bumpers keeping me out of the gutter of life – they get me back on track.
They have always been notifications to me that I won $1 or $2 dollars, but they have always been the most valuable $1 or $2 dollars that I have ever won.
A new spinoff from this phenomenon has proved to be even more valuable to me and I believe it is what I originally wrote when I said,
“You get nothing if its not on paper.”
Here it is, every once in a while I receive an email from someone who has read “6 Minutes Wrestling With Life” and what they share with me touches me so deeply and it rejuvenates my soul.
These emails always come when I need them the most and now I realize that the “You get nothing if its not on paper” refers not to the riches of the lottery but the riches of the human spirit.
I have met such wonderful people in this journey and each of them in their own way has made me richer.
They say writing is cathartic, I totally agree.
Writing is also clarity.
It helps me understand what I don’t understand.
It makes me recognize there are forces at work bigger than I have ever imagined.
It makes me connect the dots.
And somehow, it has connected my soul to other souls.
And that is something.
Something, that has been one of the most fulfilling experiences in my life.