This is a chapter from Strange Angels

Where the path of the wind

Excerpt chapter from Strange Angels

Crosses that of the stars.

Camino de Santiago

Pilgrimage inscription

It is late in the evening.

I am watching an episode of “Chicago Med.”

A doctor has just learned that his terminally ill patient, who is in a clinical trial, has been receiving a placebo instead of a promising clinical trial drug.

He realizes she will surely die.

He is distraught.

So much so that he wants to interfere with the trial.

He wants to illegally switch out the placebo his client is getting and replace it with the promising clinical trial drug.

He rationalizes to himself that saving a life is worth the risk of losing his medical license.

He confides his plan with a friend and lets him know his intentions.

Isn’t he supposed to save lives? He asks himself.

His friend talks him out of interfering with the integrity of the clinical trial.

The doctor finally resigns himself not to interfere with the clinical trial; knowing his decision will ultimately lead to his patient’s demise.

After coming to terms with his decision and acknowledging the strings he had to pull to get his patient into the trial, and the hope it gave her after she learned that she was accepted, he says,

“It was all for nothing.” 

And his friend responds,

“I think if we care, then, whatever happens, it’s for something.

We might not see the effect, but it goes out there, and it circulates in the universe.

It makes us all a little better. “

–

Then it dawns on me.

All I can do is to be the overmatched wrestler who is unwilling to surrender his will and fights off his back for as long as there is time on my clock.

All I can do is to put my struggle publicly out there into the universe.

And then the Universe will circulate it around for it to reach its intended destination.

I have faith that it will get there.

I believe that.

Maybe, by sharing my struggle with the world will help someone else with their struggle and help them in their journey.

Often, I look back to understand what I initially thought was part of my journey, actually was my role in helping someone else in their journey.

As I stated before, it is hard to understand which is happening when.

I know one thing though, if the Universe has given Jess the placebo in her recovery, the care and love which has been created has been cast off into the universe and is circulating, making someone feel a little better.

And that is something.

Something very important to me.